“You need to…” (Feedback) Par 4

To be candid, I have no idea as to the content of the conversation going on between Phil Mickelson and Rickie Fowler at the time this photo was snapped in September at the 2016 Ryder Cup Tournament. It might be advice, encouragement or perhaps consolation. I don’t know.


                                   Photo by: Robert Beck for Sports illustrated 2016 Ryder Cup

I do know, however, what the picture conjures up in my mind and it is not necessarily pretty.

Allow me to set an imaginary stage for the moment. Here is the scenario:

Let’s suppose you and I are fairly new acquaintances. We have a shared interest in golf and having agreed to tee it up at sometime in the future, are in the midst of that round. We are about half way through the front nine just finishing up a hole and I have noticed, during our brief time of playing together that there is a definite flaw in your putting stroke.  So, generous and caring person that I am, I cordially turn to you as we are walking off the green toward the next tee and say “…You are not following through to the cup.”

Now understand, there is no kind of preparation or concern as to whether you would welcome that counsel or not, just the statement “…you are not following through to the cup.”

How do you suppose you will respond? Do you think it will be:

  1. “…Gee thanks, I really appreciate that input.”

Or…

Might you respond on the other end of the continuum:

  1. “…Hey pal, who made you the next Butch Harman? I been watchin’ your game and you are no Dustin Johnson out here. You just pay attention to your own game.”

Or…

In true Larry fashion, the “combo”:

  1. (Under my breath) “…Hey pal, who made you the next Butch Harman? I been watchin’ your game and you are no Dustin Johnson out here. You just pay attention to your own game.”

(Aloud) “…Gee thanks, I really appreciate that input.”

In this scenario I have a 2 out of 3 chance of putting a damper on a budding friendship. Why do that when there is a simple step that can keep you and me on the high ground?

It’s called PERMISSION.

I have learned, through the school of hard knocks, the importance of this little step. Failure to include this step in some of my dealings, over my career, have cost me relationships, sales, harmony in my family and the slamming of the door on my opportunity to share issues near and dear to my soul.

To really take hold of and begin to practice that simple permission step, I had first to embrace the reality that before truly accepting a thought, idea, or, you name it, the individual you are sharing with must trust you. To put it another way, before you will hear me you have to trust me. Once you have a sense you can trust me, you will let your guard down to hear what I have to say.

One of the bridges to trust is PERMISSION.

In our little scenario above a simple permission question might be, “…You look like you’re struggling a bit with your putter, would you mind a suggestion?

The bottom-line for me, whether it be in Golf, in Life, and in the matter of Eternal Life; when wanting to share, I need to…

 

                                        get PERMISSION…before I share!

2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Rudolf Hebling on March 28, 2017 at 8:56 pm

    Sounds like you’re introducing a book…..

    Nice.

    Rudi >

    Reply

  2. Thanks Rudi, It’s a start. 🙂

    L

    Reply

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